It All Started When I Was Jogging

Well, it actually started a few months earlier.

My eldest son was almost 13 and we were all preparing for his upcoming Bar Mitzvah. He was studying his prayers. His Mom was working on all the details for the party afterward. And I was working on my gift for him.

During the preceding year, I had begun my journey into personal development. I had restarted meditating on a regular basis and was taking some seminars to learn more about myself and life.

I wanted to share some of what I learned with David, a 40-some-year-old father wanting to share some of his newfound insights with his soon-to-be 13-year-old son. Probably not a very novel story.

I started carrying a pocket-sized spiral notebook and a pen with me everywhere to make notes about things to share with him. I had a friend who was good at calligraphy and my plan was to give him my writing for my son so that he could turn it into some really special pages. Then I was going to take those pages to a local bookbinder who would create a regular hardcover book that would be my gift.

The notes of ‘wisdom’ accumulated until a few weeks before the big event when I knew I had to write my piece in order to have time for the calligraphy and binding. So on a Friday night, after dinner, I pulled out my little notebook and started writing.

First Attempt

I wrote this three- or four-page piece which seemed wonderful as I wrote it. A couple of hours later when I was done, I went back to read it. I almost threw up. It was awful. It was worse than awful.

What was I going to do? I couldn’t give this to my son. It was an embarrassment. Whatever gave me the idea that I could write something like this? Yes, I had done a lot of technical writing in my work, but this, this was obviously very different. This required a very different set of skills. This was disastrous. Crisis. What else could I get for him cause this wasn’t going to work, at all? I threw it in the trash and went to bed.

A Subtle Hint

After a fitful night’s sleep, I awakened to: “Dear God, I prayed … Dear God, I prayed …” repeating in my head. What is that? Where did that come from? Silence.

I got up and started getting ready to go out for my 4-mile jog. It was a beautiful Saturday morning in late summer. I was preparing to do a 5K run a month later by running a mile a few times during the week and then four miles on the weekend.

My run was going well as usual until I hit the two-mile mark, halfway through the run. All of a sudden it started again. “Dear God, I prayed … Dear God, I prayed …” What is that and where is it coming from?

Oh my God (literally), I realized, this is for David. Run faster … faster. Can’t lose this. Couldn’t run faster if tiger chasing me.

Got home … out of breath, sweating, … breathing heavy, … couldn’t speak.

OMG …

Grabbed pencil … legal pad … started writing … fast as I could … taking dictation. Total focus … get words on paper … can’t pay attention … to what it says.

Writing and writing … think this is good … furiously writing … two pages … three … four. Writing as fast … as I was running … a few minutes ago.

Still panting and sweating and no time to stop and wipe my face. Sweat dripping on the pages. I need some water. Later. Writing, writing. Done.

It stopped as abruptly as it started. Wait a minute. Nothing more. Silence except for my continued heavy breathing.

I put down the pencil, wiped my face, and went to the bathroom. What just happened? What the heck was that and where did it come from?

What the heck?

Ok, let me read this. Wow, this is pretty good. No …, this is great. Amazing.

Let me go back through this and fix any mistakes. Whenever I write something more than a sentence or two, it needs to be edited, fix the spelling, punctuation. There must be some poor word choices.

Nothing. Not a comma was missing. Not a single misspelling. It was barely legible so I needed to rewrite it so my calligrapher could read it. Otherwise, it was perfect!

I had never before written anything like this, never. I had never written anything of any length that didn’t need to be edited. Never. Where did this come from?

As a Professor of Pharmacology in a medical school, I had done a lot of technical writing: grants, lecture handouts, research papers, meeting agendas and minutes, etc. That writing came from my head, my mental self. I tried to write for David from that place,  my thoughts, from my ego, the previous day. The results were disastrous, embarrassing.

What Does this Mean?

This came from somewhere outside of me. Or maybe it was from somewhere very deep within me.

This was my first and, by far, most profound experience with automatic writing, with something other than my logical ego mind writing through me.

Let me show you what I mean. Here is the beginning of what I found on the legal pad. To say: “I wrote this” sounds like I think I created it when I know that I was merely a channel. I took dictation.

Dear God, I Prayed …

 

Dear God, I prayed, what shall I tell my son of life?
You can only tell him, He replied, of what you know
So tell him, He said, of the things I have told you.
And so, dear David, that is how this came to be.

 

Dear God, I prayed, are you there?
Silence was my reply. Again but fearful now.
Dear God, you are there, aren’t you?
Again silence, Angry now I said,
Dear God, answer my question, are you there?
Through the silence now a gentle laugh,
If not, then to whom are you speaking? He replied.

 

Dear God, I prayed, so many questions now
How should I believe, I asked, when all around me I see …
Mightily you shall believe, He said,
Not at first, but in time, with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might shall you believe
For you do not believe what you see,
You see what you believe.
If you did not believe in paper and ink, you could not read this.

 

But why, Dear God, why should I believe when all around me I see …
I see things to make me sad, so why should I believe in you?
Why not, was His reply. I believe in you.
These things you see that make you sad, let’s talk more of them later.
For now, know this, if what you see would make you choose sadness …
look elsewhere
A sunset, a flower, a bird in flight, the laughter in a child’s eye, the smile of a friend.
Can you not see me in these?

 

Dear God, I prayed, what is this life, why am I here?
Your purposes, He replied, are three:
To learn, to love and to laugh.
Your primary goal is to learn.
Not so important though is what you usually learn in school,
To know math is nice, to know love is essential, to know laughter will save your life.
The other lessons, and there are always more lessons, are different for everyone.
You are always surrounded with situations that provide you with an opportunity to learn
And if you don’t get it right, another opportunity will arise soon and another.
You are always given another chance to learn.

Looking Back

What the heck does this all mean? What does it mean for me? What does it mean for you? I can tell you what it means for me, today. But you will have to figure out what your lessons are by seeing if my lessons fit the challenges you are facing now. I do know that if you have read this far, there are some lessons here for you.

For you to get the most out of this, I encourage you to take a moment and look back over your life to remember a time when something beyond you may have interceded on your behalf. Was there a time when you needed/really wanted to accomplish a particular goal and yet everything you tried didn’t work? Was there a time like that when all of the sudden, completely out of the blue, something totally unexpected happened that provided you with what you needed to meet that challenge?

Recall the experience you’ve had that most represents that kind of event. Then ask yourself: “What does the fact that this occurred mean to me? For me?”

My answer to those questions is: first, and most significantly, this experience means that I am not alone. Not alone in my daily life. If I look for guidance, if I look for support, if I look for answers, they will be there, maybe not when I think I need them, maybe not in the way I think they should appear, but guidance, support, and answers are there, for me, and for you.

Second, that guidance comes when I am committed to solving a particular problem, meeting a challenge and moving past it. I have to do what I can with what I have to move the issue toward a desirable solution. It is not sufficient for me to know that a solution will come to me and sit and wait for it. I have to get my hands dirty. I have to engage with the challenge with an open mind and heart.

This dictation experience also deprived me of a favorite excuse. When I didn’t do a good enough job at something, when I had to do something that seemed like too much, I could always say to myself and others: “Give me a break. I’m only human.”

Now, what the heck does that mean? I’m only human? That’s not much of an excuse any more. Sorry, Jerry. It feels like this experience gives me the straightforward, always resusable goal of  doing my very best. When my ego self is not enough, there is alway another amazing Self ready to assist me in whatever I choose to do, like my own personal Super Hero.

Bottom Line

What if the Universe (Spirit, God) is conspiring for your deepest and most meaningful success?