I Feel Like A Roman Horseback Rider

I remember going to an actual three-ring circus with my parents. It was amazing and filled with treats like cotton candy and hot dogs. Visions of the clowns and the lion tamer still come clearly to mind as I write this. But what stands out for me is a clear memory of the Roman horseback rider. What about you? What do you remember from a childhood trip to the circus or maybe a state or county fair if that was more common where you grew up?

In case you don’t know what a Roman horseback rider is, that was the performer who rode two beautiful horses at the same time by standing with one foot on the back of each of the two horses. They rode around the inside of one of the large circus rings on the performance floor doing acrobatic tricks while riding. It was thrilling.

That’s Me

Little did I know back then that I would live most of my later years metaphorically standing precariously on the backs of two powerful, fast-moving horses. One of the horses, the first one that I becaome aware of, was Science, a logical, analytical way of understanding the world by meticulously taking it apart piece-by-piece, carefully examining each fragment, and then taking that fragment apart to see what it is made of all the while carefully documenting the detailed characteristics of each part, sub-part, and sub-sub-part.

I lived the first half of my life like that, examining an object, a situation, a person to try to determine what part of it/them is creating a challenge for me so that I can fix it. I still find that approach interesting although in hindsight there is so much wrong with it that I don’t know where to start.

Before I get into the problems with that approach, let me introduce you to the other horse, Spirituality. In many ways, Spirituality looks at everything through a wide-angle lens, whereas Science uses a zoom lens.  It provides a very different view/interpretation of exactly the very same experience. Spirituality sees the wholeness, the entirety rather than a collection of parts.

I don’t want to imply that one of these horses is better than the other. But honestly, sometimes, I do get caught in that line of thinking. Both of these perspectives are valuable when used properly. And while I aspire to ride these horses like the lady in the photo, with one foot firmly planted on the back of each horse, I find myself standing with both feet on one horse for a while and then on the other. Moreover, the circumstances of the moment will often “force” me to switch horses. This is what happens when I let my mind run on autopilot.

Standing on the back of the Science horse, questions like “how does that work?” pop up all the time. From coordinated street lights, to flowers blooming, to baby chicks hatching from eggs; “how does that happen?”. The beauty of Science, for me, is that each answer just opens up more questions at each level of answers. So as you find the answer to one question, that answer only creates more questions. One turns into five turns into 38.

I spent over 30 years working in science and when I learned to question things, I found I couldn’t stop. However, I realized that I had a limited amount of time available to answer them, so some just had to be dumped in a pile of questions I won’t try to answer now or probably ever. It seemed to me, in my naiveté, that the deeper I probed, the simpler and clearer the questions and answers would become. But the exact opposite is the case.

In the extreme case, when we dissect down to the level of subatomic particles, the level of quantum physics, everything is crazy, literally. It’s insane down there. Nothing makes sense. Don’t take my word for it, Richard P. Feynman, a preeminent physicist, said: “If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don’t understand quantum mechanics.”

It is amazing and beautiful in its deepening mystery.

On the other hoof, when I’m riding the Spirituality horse, I can get a grand view of the landscape and can sometimes sense the Unity of it all. It can be overwhelming. Words become inadequate to describe it. Heck, thoughts become inadequate.

This leads me to think of the bigger picture: our solar system, the Milky Way, the Universe of galaxies being discovered as I write this. … I’m sorry but this just boggles my mind and sends it off to places incoherent.

Standing firmly on the Science horse, I see you as separate from me. I see eight billion individual people competing for the same resources: the same water, the same air, the same food, the same prosperity. I see them competing for the truth, for the attention of others, for time, for love. I feel that competition. If you win, I lose.

But standing solidly on the Spirituality horse, I recognize that we are connected. We are all connected, every single one of us. That includes all the people whose actions I disapprove of. And the ones who routinely make vastly different choices than I do. Standing solidly on the Spirituality horse allows me to see that I might act in the same way if I had a lifetime of the same experiences they have had. “There but for the grace of God go I.”

Over the years, I have become fairly competent at standing firmly on one horse or the other. Sometimes, I can recognize that I am on the “wrong” horse for how I would like to show up and I switch horses. This usually involves switching from the Science horse where I am judging others, a situation, or myself, and moving to the Spirituality horse.

I am beginning to sense that the real power lies in the ability to stand with one foot on each horse, as the rider is doing in the image above. I have had brief glimpses of what that might be like, too brief to be able to describe here. But I am drawn to achieving that for more than a split second. It is being fully in the physical world all the while fully aware that it is an illusion. The real Reality is much bigger, much grander, more loving, and more magnificent. That’s what I long to see. 

Have you had a similar experience? Maybe there is another metaphor that works better for you than a Roman horseback rider. I’d love to hear about your take on this in the comments.

Thanks for your time and attention.