The Long and Winding Road

That’s my creative (feminine) self skipping along the path to publication unconcerned about what lies around the bend in the road. Meanwhile my action-oriented (masculine) self is nowhere to be seen (because he is hiding).

Conversations Along the Road to Publication

I’m not sure if anyone will be interested in this, but here goes. There might be some creatives out there who are in a situation similar to mine. Truth is: we all are creatives at some level but not all of us identify with that label. This is for us.

I don’t know how long ago I decided that I was going to write a book (and I’m not sure I want to know). But it was a long, long time ago … years and years. I have spent more time avoiding writing a book than I have writing a book.

There have been demons to confront and de-demonize. There have been obstacles to surmount. And the biggest deterrent of all was the guy looking back at me from the bathroom mirror.

I have found so many ways to distract myself from writing that I could write a book about How to Not Write a Book. Right now, my mind is flooded with all the “important” other things I should be doing instead of writing this. And when I put my fingers on the keyboard, all the reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this come up:

• My mother taught me to not stick my head up above the crowd and stand out.
• My Ph.D. advisor told me that the first draft of my dissertation introduction was “sh*t”
• I am an impostor writing about these topics where I have no formal credentials
• No one cares, no one will like this, no one will even notice
• On and on and on

As if to counter these physical world arguments for limitation, my decades of fascination with Spirituality provide counter-arguments like these:

• It’s not your work that you are doing, it is the work of Spirit. You are the scribe, the hands and mouth, needed to convey these ideas to many others. Since we have given you these ideas, why would we not support you in publishing them?
• The obstacles are stepping stones. The walls will provide a better view of the landscape when you stand on them.
• I have been uniquely prepared for this work by traumas, setbacks, and challenges. I have a unique perspective as a result of my work in medical science, wellness, and spirituality.
• I am the best one to write about these ideas that come to me from wherever.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of tormented inaction that has drawn out the process of writing my first book from what could have been a year or two to over 10 years. During that decade plus, the theme of the book has changed somewhat and some of the intermediate stages may yet become full completed projects of their own.

I am not suggesting that I could have sat down over 10 years ago and written the book that I am completing now. The process of writing those intermediate versions clearly helped to shape this project. And still there has been more inaction or avoidance activity than productive activity. But then, the avoidance was the result of my fears showing themselves so that I could eventually face them and begin the healing process. And back and forth it goes.

And the process unfolds, but way too slowly in my opinion. On the other hand (do you notice that there is always “another hand”?), I am not sure I could have handled it any faster.

The book I will publish first is Affirm Yourself: 15 Principles to Retrain the Voice in Your Head. And it is that Voice in My Head that wants me to stop all this nonsense and relax.

The book is a transformational healing book that I hope will help a lot of people, including me, to reshape our lives according to our own dreams and goals. For me, the book is doing double duty:

• The process of writing the book has allowed me to learn about the fears that have held me back in the past and begin to heal them.
• The material in the book has helped me with that process as I hope it will help you and others.

Question?

Is there something in your life that you feel you have been “called” to do? Are you doing it? What/who is stopping you?