Less Tense About Tense

This is Part 2 of a two-part series on staying in the Present Moment. If you haven’t read Part 1, you can find it HERE.

Why Do We Let Ourselves Fall Back to the Past or Jump Ahead to the Future?

This tendency is part of what helped us to survive and become, for better or worse, the dominant species on this planet.

We have been referred to as the story-telling primates because creating stories developed our thinking and reasoning abilities. The desire to communicate the ideas in these stories forced us to develop a sophisticated oral communication. And the ability to share these ideas with others allowed us to share our experience and understanding without each individual needing to have the same direct experience.

The ability to share stories about our environment provided *Homo sapiens* with a great advantage as hunter/gatherers. We could tell each other where food was available and where there were dangerous predators.

So we became highly skilled at creating stories to explain what we have learned and to keep ourselves as safe as possible. Since the best storytellers survived the longest and reproduced the most, we became naturally better and better at this. You and I are now the result of natural selection with this trait developed to the point of it being an imperative.

We must be able to explain (have a reasonable story about) every experience in order to *feel* as safe and secure as possible. (Note: feeling safe is not the same as being safe.)

The problem now is that we start doing this at a very early age before our brains are fully developed. The mental abilities that are undeveloped at this early age are the ability to reason and logically discern the most likely truth. So our stories are often highly flawed.

This means that our interpretation of past events is likely erroneous and our resulting expectations of future outcomes may suffer from these same flaws.

Where Does That Leave Us?

And so here we are, “highly evolved beings” who have eliminated virtually all of the threats that restricted, injured, or killed our distant ancestors. We are left with our greatest enemies being other humans and ourselves.

Truth be told, I believe that the greatest adversary, by far, that each of us must face is ourselves. The obstacles that we create to impede or sabotage our highest achievements are monumental. Not only do we act counter to our desired personal goals, but we also ignore and act counter to the best expert and scientific evidence of the day. We are truly our own worst enemies.

Well, there are only three choices for where we can be from moment to moment: we can either be in the past, the present, or the future. Two out of three of those are usually toxic for us. The past is where we tend to go to find fault with ourselves and others. Not a life-affirming activity. The future is where we go to play with fear and worry about the catastrophes that might happen (but probably won’t).

Admittedly, on occasion we go to the past to extract a valuable lesson from some experience and once in a while we go to the future to plan and visualize the success of a magnificent project. But for the most part going to the past and the future is like going to a garbage dump on a zombie convention. Not healthy.

So that leaves us with the present. This moment. And this one and this one. The ever-changing, ever-present NOW. When we are present in the NOW, we are either enjoying the experience of the moment, interacting with some aspect of our environment, or creating something. Remember, if you are using a Present Moment to be upset about something that happened in the past, then you are not in the Present Moment, you are in the past.

In the Present Moment there is no judgment, no success or failure, no heartbreak, no fear. There is only the experience of the Present Moment accompanied by some level of joy, peace, and wonder.

Sounds like it should be an easy choice. Choose to be in the Present Moment. But we have been taught while growing up that we ‘should’ spend a lot of time regretting the past and fearing the future. No one tells us that in so many words. But the example they set is exactly that. And we learn by example. That is, until we begin to take charge of our ongoing continuing adult education, which is precisely what you are doing now.

How Do We Learn to Spend More Time in the Present?

It begins with awareness, paying attention to what you are paying attention to and how it feels. It is a process. You didn’t learn in a few days to make the choices that you now make. That took months and years of constant ‘training’ by the adults who raised you. They were persistent in the examples they set for you. So to re-train yourself, it will take a similar level of patience and persistence.

Changes like this occur for me in the following way. First I create a goal to be different in some particular way. A while later, I notice that I have fallen back into my old way of being and I scold myself for the slip-up. Then I remember that it will take time and scolding myself is counterproductive. So I make peace with the fact that I’m not perfect yet and move on. I vow to become aware of the slip-up sooner the next time it happens. So I am acknowledging that I will slip up again at the beginning.

The next time I slip up, I hopefully become aware sooner. And this time I don’t scold myself for the slip-up. I remember that this is just an old habit and that it will take a while to change it. After all, I didn’t create this current habit in a day or two. Then with each slip-up, the awareness comes sooner and sooner.

After a while, I notice *right* after the slip-up that I fell off the wagon. So I get up and celebrate. This is a milestone. I am almost there. The next big opportunity comes when I recognize that I am slipping up *while* the old behavior is running the show. I have this weird feeling like I am watching my behavior rather than just doing it. For a moment, I am the witness, not the actor. This calls for more celebration.

Then comes the time when I become aware that I am just about to engage in the old behavior before I do it. Hallelujah! Although I may still go ahead and do it, I know. that this is the beginning of the end for this old version of me and time for another celebration.

The Way Forward

This is the way I am learning to spend more time in the Present Moment. I am paying attention to what I am paying attention to. When I notice that I am not in the Present Moment, that instead I have slipped into the past or gotten trapped in a time warp in the future, I smile and invite myself back into the Present Moment. I know all the while that this awareness will come sooner and sooner until, eventually, it will come before I actually slip out of the Present Moment.

There will come a time when I will be aware of the urge to go to the past or jump into the future. That will be the moment of real power. Then I can make the conscious choice to stay in the Present Moment. As I do this more and more often, it will become a habit that I don’t even have to think about.

There is a similarity here to the practice of Mindfulness. (Note: I am not fluent in the practices of Mindfulness. I know just enough to be very wrong here.) To me being mindful is all about staying fully in the Present Moment.

This is not the right place to have an extended discussion of Mindfulness practices. If this is of interest to you, I refer you to:
1. Mindful.org
2. Mayo Clinic
3. Stress.org

Other Resources

There are other mental or physical activities that may help you stay in the Present Moment. Some of them are discussed in other posts here:

1. Meditation
2. Being in Nature
3. Exercise/physical activity
4. Music/Reading/Entertainment
5. Activities with friends
6. Cooking
7. Your favorite Present Moment joy creator

Practicing any form of Mindfulness will support your goal to stay more focused in the Present Moment. What a great way to take good care of you!!